This effusion is the first two paragraphs of a job posting on LinkedIn from a company called Grant Thornton, LLP:

<"Grant Thornton is collaborative, entrepreneurial and on the move. As part of a dynamic global organization of 30,000 people serving clients in more than 100 countries, we have the agility and focus it takes to be a leader ( Read more... )

This is a present from our old friend Rapunzel, who sends missives from the corporate world to my virtual hermitage. It comes from a nameless company who competes with our former common employer ( Read more... )

In addition to unemployment cutting down on the stream of Absurd Locutions from work, I may be running into fewer of them for some time to come. If you happen to wander into this public portion of my journal, please note that I am starting graduate school in September. While academic writing has its own horrors, the use of jargon to the point of ( Read more... )

When I wrote to Ms. Gabriele Steinhauser of the Wall Street Journal and her co-author ( as reported in my last), I didn't expect much of a response.

( Read more... )

The following paragraph, in its entirety, is taken from the Wall Street Journal of March 8, 2014 ( Read more... )

We've had this one before, when a co-worker wrote that we should "iterate going forward," and I suggested that iterating backwards might cause turmoil in the space-time continuum ( Read more... )

From a realio, trulio RFP:

"Describe your process for the accidental disclosure of customer data."

We carefully follow a well-designed process that lets us post confidential information about your customers on public forums frequented by hackers, and then we wave our hands and run around a lot!

Back in my college days, the restrooms, even in the dorms, had these metal TP dispensers that released single, rectangular sheets of something scratchy with discernible wood bits called Cream of the Forest. Two particles from the past few days ( Read more... )

From a recent proposal (not by me) and re-used by someone in material for this one:

"Laser-sharp segmentation of customers..."

He'd better not try it on me. I'll squirt in his eye.

The ladies of the [REDACTED] proposal team were in bawdy hysterics today (somewhat to the consternation of the men) over some golden prose from the [REDACTED] Human Factors Center of Excellence. It seems they understand the design principles for web pages that give users both a more pleasurable and a more sticky experience ( Read more... )